When your child is benched during soccer games, especially when it feels like they’re getting less playing time than their teammates, it can be frustrating. As a parent, you might feel uncertain about how to approach the situation—should you talk to the coach? Is your child being treated fairly? And most importantly, how can your child get the playing time they deserve?
We’ve polled parents, and here are the top strategies they recommend when facing this situation. This article will explore what you can do if your child is being benched too often and how to handle the situation in a constructive way.
1. Have a Direct Conversation with the Coach
The first thing many parents recommend is having an open and respectful conversation with the coach. While it can feel awkward, discussing your concerns with the coach in person (or via email if in-person is not an option) is often the best way to gain clarity on the situation.
It’s important to approach the coach with the mindset of understanding rather than accusing. Ask questions like:
- What skills can my child work on to get more playing time?
- Is there a specific aspect of their gameplay that needs improvement?
- How is playing time determined on the team?
By showing that you’re open to feedback, you’ll likely foster a productive conversation and demonstrate that you’re an involved and concerned parent who wants to see their child succeed.
2. Understand the Coach’s Philosophy
Different coaches have different philosophies regarding playing time. Some coaches prioritize developing all players equally, while others focus more on winning or having a competitive edge. Understanding the coach’s approach can help you manage your expectations.
If the coach’s priority is to give every player equal time on the field, then it may be a matter of your child needing to improve in certain areas like effort, attitude, or teamwork. However, if the coach is more focused on winning, you may need to accept that your child’s playing time will depend more heavily on performance and the needs of the team.
3. Encourage Your Child to Advocate for Themselves
While it’s tempting for parents to jump in and speak on their child’s behalf, it’s an empowering lesson for kids to learn how to advocate for themselves in a respectful and constructive way.
At the age of 9, your child is old enough to have a simple conversation with their coach about what they can do to earn more playing time. Encourage your child to ask questions such as:
- What can I work on to improve my chances of playing more?
- Are there specific things you want me to focus on during practice?
By taking initiative, your child will not only show maturity but also build important communication skills that will benefit them in sports and beyond.
4. Be Mindful of Your Child’s Emotional Well-Being
While playing time is important, it’s essential to remember that soccer should still be fun for your child. If your 9-year-old is frequently benched, it’s vital to check in with them about how they feel. Sometimes, a child may be disappointed but may not express it directly. Encourage them to share how they feel about the situation.
If your child is emotionally upset about being benched, remind them of the bigger picture: improving their skills, being part of a team, and having fun. A positive and encouraging mindset can help your child grow both as a player and as a person, regardless of the number of minutes they spend on the field.
5. Look for Patterns: Is This a One-Time Issue?
One of the things parents often forget is that a single game or practice might not be an accurate reflection of your child’s overall development or their playing time across the season. Coaches might make adjustments to their lineup based on certain match situations, injuries, or team needs.
If your child is benched for one or two games but gets a chance to play in others, it might not be as big of an issue as it feels. However, if your child’s playing time is consistently low or if there’s no clear reason for it, then you may need to have a more serious conversation with the coach or the team director.
6. Evaluate Your Child’s Attitude and Effort
Before assuming that the coach is making an unfair decision, take a step back and evaluate your child’s attitude, behavior, and effort during practice and games. Coaches often have insight into things that parents may not see, such as a lack of effort, bad body language, or a negative attitude during practice.
Sometimes, the issue isn’t skill level, but rather the player’s commitment to improvement. If your child is showing signs of frustration or disengagement, it could affect their playing time. Encourage your child to give their best effort during practices, be positive, and listen to their coach’s guidance.
7. Explore Additional Developmental Opportunities
If your child’s playing time is limited on their current team, it may be helpful to look into additional opportunities for development. For example, signing your child up for extra skills clinics, private lessons, or even guest playing with other teams can help them hone their skills and gain confidence.
At this age, it’s all about consistent development. The more your child practices outside of regular team practices, the more they’ll improve—and the more likely they’ll be to earn additional playing time.
8. Consider a Different Team or League
If your child continues to be benched or isn’t happy with their current team’s environment, it might be time to consider moving to a different team or league. Some parents suggest moving down a level or switching to a more recreational team where playing time is typically more evenly distributed.
However, before making this decision, consider having a candid conversation with your child about their goals. Do they want to be on a more competitive team, or are they more interested in playing for fun and getting more field time? Knowing their preferences will help you make an informed decision.
9. Watch Out for Unfair Practices
In some rare cases, there may be situations where the coach is showing favoritism or playing politics by giving certain players more time, even if their skill level is lower. If this happens, it’s important to address it directly with the coach or club leadership. Playing time should be based on effort, skill, and team needs, not personal preferences.
If you suspect favoritism is taking place, approach the situation respectfully, but make sure you are advocating for fairness and your child’s right to an equal opportunity on the field.
10. Keep the Focus on Your Child’s Long-Term Growth
Lastly, it’s crucial to maintain a long-term perspective. At the age of 9, soccer should still be about having fun, building friendships, and developing fundamental skills. While playing time matters, your child’s growth as an athlete should be prioritized over short-term results.
As a parent, encourage your child to enjoy the game and focus on improvement rather than worrying about how much time they spend on the field. After all, these are the years when passion for the game is nurtured, and that’s what truly matters in the long run.
Conclusion: What’s Next?
Dealing with benching at the youth soccer level can be tough, but it’s an opportunity for growth—for both parents and players. Keep the communication open with the coach, encourage your child to take responsibility for their development, and remember that soccer is about much more than just playing time. With the right attitude and a focus on improvement, your child will thrive, no matter how much time they spend on the field.
