6 Mistakes Parents Make When Coaching Their Own Kids
Youth soccer can be an incredibly rewarding experience for both players and their parents. However, pitfalls can arise when parents become coaches, especially for their children. These pitfalls not only affect the child’s enjoyment and development but can also lead to family tension. We turned to a Facebook Group with over 60,000 members to bring you 6 mistakes parents make when coaching their own kids in soccer.
A recent Facebook post from a parent encapsulates this issue perfectly:
“My son (U9) played a game against a ‘rival’ team, and during the game, one of the opposing players (who is my son’s good friend and former teammate) was kicked by my son by accident. There was no whistle by the ref, so play on. My son felt really bad about it at the moment and he stopped to help his friend up. The assistant coach (who happens to be my husband), yelled at my son to ‘leave him and go up!!!!!’ After the game, my son said that apparently ‘daddy said that Christopher isn’t my friend on and off the field’ which my husband denied. My husband said that when he’s playing on the field, he needs to look at all opponents as ‘not their friends’. Am I in the wrong for being upset at my husband for reacting this way?”
This scenario highlights some of the most common mistakes parents make when coaching their own kids. Here, we explore these pitfalls and offer insights on how to avoid them.
Treating Young Athletes Like Professional Players
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is treating their young athletes as if they were professional players. At the U9 level, children are just starting to learn the basics of the game. They are not professionals, and the stakes are not high. Emphasizing winning over everything else can create unnecessary pressure and detract from the joy of the game.
A parent commented, “Your husband needs to remember these are 9-year-olds. Even the pro players help each other up and, you know, these kids are 9.” This highlights the need for a balanced approach that prioritizes development and enjoyment over intense competitiveness.
What to Avoid:
- Intense competitiveness
- Overemphasis on winning
- High-pressure environments
Alternative Approach: Focus on skill development, teamwork, and enjoyment. Let kids play and learn at their own pace. According to Positive Coaching Alliance, promoting a positive experience in youth sports can lead to better development and longer-lasting participation.
Forgetting the Importance of Sportsmanship
Another critical error is neglecting the importance of sportsmanship. Encouraging children to view their opponents as enemies can foster negative attitudes and poor behavior both on and off the field.
One parent wisely noted, “Sportsmanship means more in the scheme of life than winning.” Another echoed, “Your son showed exceptional sportsmanship.” These comments emphasize the broader life lessons that sports can teach beyond just winning games.
What to Avoid:
- Discouraging acts of kindness and sportsmanship
- Teaching children to be overly aggressive
Alternative Approach: Teach children the value of good sportsmanship. It’s essential to balance competitiveness with respect for others. Even professional athletes help their opponents up and show concern for their well-being. Parents must emphasize the importance of sportsmanship in youth sports.
Not Separating Roles of Coach and Parent
When parents coach their own children, the lines between being a coach and a parent can blur which often leads to confusion and conflict. This dual role can sometimes cause parents to be either too hard or too lenient on their child.
A concerned parent stated, “Your husband is wrong and way too intense. Opponents are not the enemy.” This highlights how blending roles can lead to overly harsh or misplaced expectations.
What to Avoid:
- Mixing parenting and coaching roles
- Bringing game-related criticism home
Alternative Approach: Clearly define when you are acting as a coach and when you are a parent. Establish boundaries and try to leave game discussions on the field. The U.S Soccer Learning Center suggests separating these roles can help maintain a healthy parent-child relationship.
Undermining the Assistant Coach
A common issue arises when the coaching philosophy of the parent-coach clashes with that of the assistant coach. This can create confusion for the young players and lead to inconsistent messages.
One user pointed out, “Trust the coach.” This underscores the importance of respecting and supporting the assistant coach’s role and decisions.
What to Avoid:
- Disregarding the assistant coach’s instructions
- Publicly contradicting the assistant coach
Alternative Approach: Show a united front. Discuss and agree on coaching strategies and ensure both coaches are on the same page. As noted by Max One, coaches should work to establish trust amongst coaching staff. Consistency is the key to effective coaching.
Focusing Solely on Their Own Child
It’s natural for parents to want their child to succeed, but when coaching, it’s important to give equal attention to all players. Favoritism can lead to resentment among teammates and hinder the team’s cohesion.
A parent shared, “This is a between you two issue and not a soccer parent issue.” This comment points out that personal biases can interfere with team dynamics and overall harmony.
What to Avoid:
- Favoring your child over others
- Neglecting the development of other players
Alternative Approach: Treat all players equally and focus on the development of the entire team. Resources from U.S. Soccer suggest that balanced attention helps foster a more inclusive and supportive team environment.
Ignoring the Child’s Perspective
Children often have different priorities than adults. While parents might be focused on winning, children usually play sports for fun and social interaction. Ignoring their perspective can lead to a loss of interest and burnout. We see this a lot in youth soccer.
One parent insightfully noted, “It’s U9…. 9-year-olds…. Sounds like you are raising a great kid.” This comment reminds us that youth sports should be fun and supportive, focusing on the child’s enjoyment.
What to Avoid:
- Imposing adult expectations on children
- Ignoring signs of burnout or stress
Alternative Approach: Listen to your child and understand their motivations for playing soccer. Encourage them to express their feelings about the game. Understanding a child’s perspective can enhance their youth sports development and experience.
Balance is the key to parent coaching
Balancing the roles of parent and coach can be challenging, but avoiding these common mistakes can help ensure a positive and enriching experience for your child. Emphasize sportsmanship, maintain a healthy competitive spirit, and always keep the child’s perspective in mind. Remember, the ultimate goal of youth soccer is to foster a love for the game and to develop life skills that extend beyond the soccer field.
By making these adjustments, you can create a supportive environment that encourages growth, learning, and enjoyment in youth soccer.
